August, 2009

health care / politics — Comments Off
27
Aug 09

human rights

An interesting question for me that has come out the very pervaisive and oft-wayward debate on the affordable health care for all americans legislation that is currently being considered is this:

is health care a human right?

I’d never given that any thought. Growing up in Canada it was never, ever a concern. Was it a right? Was it a privilege? Irrelevant. We had health care just by the fact that we lived in Canada. There was never a hint of anyone taking away our right/privilege. I never thought about it.

Turns out that Canada does not express anywhere that health care is a legal or constitutional right and in Canada there continues to be extensive debate about that fact.

Wasn’t expecting that.  I gotta admit.

However, I do believe that equal access to health care – at some basic level – is a right.  I’m OK with an “if-I-have-the-money-I-can-get-the-best-of-everything-now” because I believe that people are free to make money and/or be greedy.  But comprehensive, affordable or free health care ought to be available for everyone.  Consequently, I believe it’s criminal, appalling,  and evil that it currently is not.

But a more fundamental question now exists for me and it comes from the Declaration of Independence…

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness

I have never understood what that last bit means…

What is the pursuit of happiness?  Either it’s a completely arbitrary statement or they knew something we don’t – what is happiness?  It’s almost like reading scripture in a way.  What are the other rights that aren’t mentioned here?  I wish they would have just listed them all.

The discussion is much bigger than does everybody deserve health care and should I pay for it.  The questions are more what does it mean to be human and am I my brother’s keeper?

We may need to break this down more a little later.

note: I’ve got a lot more on this that I want to share; particularly as it relates to apparent priorities, realities, and differences between health care in the US versus the rest of the industrialized world…stay tuned.

general — Comments Off
25
Aug 09

fear

I’m afraid to move into a more fragile neighborhood because I keep thinking that something will happen to my family.

It’s true.  I don’t like it.  But it’s true.

I realize that for a long time I’ve talked a big game when it comes to situations like this but when it comes time to really make a difference I don’t have it in me.  I feel like there are hundreds of relationships that are passing me by that otherwise could lead to some awesome restoration.

And it scares me to think what could happen.

This fear is limiting my future.

I’m afraid of rejection and will not “put myself out there” to meet people because I’m afraid that they will think I’m odd.

Sometimes my brain is still stuck in a high-school mentality.  I realize this is one of the places that I need to continue to grow up and develop a “reality-based” perspective.  Even as I’m writing this, it sounds ridiculous that I would even think this way.

But I do.

This fear is limiting my future.

I’m afraid to tell people some things about myself because I don’t want to disappoint them.

Of course, it seems as though I’m conflicting some of the things I’ve already said, but in general I’m proud of the decisions that I’ve made in the past few years – I’m confident that the outcomes of those decisions have made me a better person.

But there are things that I will continue to try to hide – even things that would seem not to matter – because I suspect that people would be disappointed by them.

fear.

This Sunday at Watershed, as Matt talked about fear and how God’s ultimate plan for us is freedom, not guilt or fear.  I’m learning that, slowly … very slowly … in my own life.  The realization for me was that I will not be able to reach my full potential out because of my irrationalities.  I believe that we’re supposed to be a crazy force for good – doing good with every choice – bringing heaven to earth with every choice.

Slowly, I’m learning to live beyond my fears – to live in the freedom that was intended for me.

…. but don’t get me started about patience.

general — 1 Comment
23
Aug 09

restore

Restoration makes me cry.  In all it’s forms.

Airport reunions.  Disaster relief.  Poverty being annihilated. Even chick flicks.

And I’m non-discriminatory…

I’ll shed a tear at the end of Con-Air and Army Wives alike.

I’m a mess.

But I have to believe that restoration touches something deep, down in spirit land that sometimes I just can’t access.  It’s also important to note that I have no control over this reaction.  Any time that I see “restoration” happening – when I see things getting back to the way that they were intended – something from inside spills over.

What do I do with this?  I know this is a powerful motivation and inspiration.  The meaning behind all of this has to include that I’ve been put together with this tenderness for a restorative purpose, doesn’t it?  I want to make things better.

… and I can’t wait for football season.  No more tears.

general — Comments Off
21
Aug 09

guilt

“We’re not doing anything out of guilt anymore” she said.

I’ve only recently started living on my own. Not in the physical sense – it’s been over 10 years now since leaving high school for college life.

Granted, it’s probably been about 2 years since I started living based on my own motivations, pursuing things that I wanted to accomplish, decisions that I wanted to make. That road was long…. with many a winding turn, introspection, blogging, and the like. For a long time I was a sort of “Yes Man” but not in the adventurous, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sense….

I just couldn’t say no when someone asked me (or otherwise expected me) to do something.

Really, it was more of a “Yes-By-All-Means-Walk-All-Over-Me-Man.” That sort of implies that the people who were asking me to do things for them had nefarious motives and I don’t believe that to be true. But in my heart, I would rather be put out than to see somebody else put out.

To be disappointed rather than to disappoint.

Now, I can’t say where this came from. My guess is that it developed because of the fact that as a younger dude who could do some things well, I developed many functional relationships – relationships that were based on me being able to do something for someone else. We do this all the time – many strong friendships are built on a premise that one can do something well for the other and through the jigs and the reels a beautiful thing emerges on the other end.

Couple that with my Oprah Winfrey quality tender heart and you’ve got a “Yes-By-All-Means-Walk-All-Over-Me-Man.”

What I am not saying is that doing things for others is bad or that you should put yourself before others.

What I AM saying is that unless you motivation is true (i.e. non-guilt related), what does it really mean? Kristy just had a birthday and we had a discussion about getting a gift out of obligation (i.e. I’ll feel guilty if I don’t get you something) versus out of true love (i.e. I saw this, thought of you, and wanted to show my love).

Of course I believe that there are obligations, and responsibilities and things that we have to do. But, my point is that even these responsibilities expand your heart when they’re remembered and completed by a giving spirit. In reality, acting out of guilt is really just a cleverly masked form of selfishness – I’ll give you a gift to make guilt go away – to make myself feel better – to not have to deal with the aftermath of not getting you a gift.

That scenario: it’s no good, sir.

To move towards selflessness is to move away from living and choosing and responding out of guilt and moving towards something much, much more freeing.

general — Comments Off
20
Aug 09

milestone

Perhaps it’s the impending 30th birthday.

Or the un-redo-able 29 years.

But I’ve been finding reason to note milestones.  Not always as they happen, but I can recognize them in a crowd any day.

For instance (the obvious marriage and Jesus-loving notwithstanding):

I remember the day I decided to begin the process of staking a claim on the rest of my life.  There was the day I went to see Dan – and began the process of picking through the jumble.  I even remember when I first felt confident to put myself “out there” – even for just the sake of practicing.

It’s tempting for me to look back from whence I came and decide that the journey on this side of these markers is better than the time leading up to each of them.  Realistically, that’s simply not true.  For all of the changes that I have been able to mark, there was formative processes at work.  While I’ve been wandering from subscribing to the “everything-happens-for-a-reason” rationalization lately, I do believe that it’s our choice to let these “everythings” have a purpose; to integrate the moments of our life into the greater story that we’re living to write.

I’m planning not to spend too much time easing back into this.  My heart and my mind are on speaking terms again and are becoming reacquainted fairly quickly.  I’ve learned that pouring my heart out isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and that contrary to what high school may have tried to teach me, I’m not that weird or unliked. Turns out that all was all a misunderstanding.

And the journey really is too important not to be documented.

general — 1 Comment
20
Aug 09

when i started to enjoy the rain

there were
words
thoughts
lyrics
melodies
photos
poems
prayers

and then it was dark
and silent

i knew there was light all around
and understood that life still was

but it had escaped me
i could neither grasp it
nor feel it on my face
or in my soul

until the eventual
long awaited

spring

when i started to enjoy the rain
and felt a wounded
but resilient
remnant

awake

about this: this poem marked a milestone – like when a movie transforms to color from black and white.  Walking to my car with drops of rain falling on my head, all of a sudden, reminded me that something was still there.

general — Comments Off
20
Aug 09

i will post here again

On February 6 I wrote this:

I obviously suck at this.

I didn’t at one point.

I won’t at another point.

I’m at another point.